Thursday, September 30, 2010
Yeah
Some people spend their whole lives trying to recover from decisions that they have made. Cocaine, heroine, crack.........let's have fun. Myles didn't chose to "have fun" like that. I am so friggin mad right now that he went to the hospital to take care of a genetically given disease. They eased his pain and now he is in more pain from the withdrawal. We have internet technology, put men on the moon, but we can't give our children that are suffering in pain a pain med that hurts them more than the initial pain? He is on the chemo ward and he is the only one with hair. The little ones think that he is so cool for having hair
Stuff
Need to ponder at a later date:
Was I meant to be born into my fathers pain and to die watching my son's pain?
Should I have so much sorrow and compassion for God that he has to watch his "children" of this earth go through so much? Disease, murder, famine,rape.....I just know how I feel with just my two boys.....can't imagine his pain if we are ALL children of his. We all pray to God for favors....maybe we should pray for His strength.
Was I meant to be born into my fathers pain and to die watching my son's pain?
Should I have so much sorrow and compassion for God that he has to watch his "children" of this earth go through so much? Disease, murder, famine,rape.....I just know how I feel with just my two boys.....can't imagine his pain if we are ALL children of his. We all pray to God for favors....maybe we should pray for His strength.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
An old post
If anyone is new to this blog, this is what I wrote a million years ago..............
The blog was first created two days after Myles got hurt. Aaron created it as a way of communicating to our friends and family what was going on. I don't completely remember what happen that first month as it all just seems still like a terrible nightmare. The kind of nightmare that you remember, just not in detail. In Salt Lake City I would reread the posts from the previous weeks to remind me that "things were getting better". It also freed me from the complete loneliness and isolation of the Intensive Care Unit and kept us in contact with our friends and family.
This blog has also been a useful tool in many ways, for when a doctor asked me When something happened (blood clots, blood poisoning, kidney failure) I would run to the blog and be able to tell them within a day or two, something that I would of not had a clue. It was also a tremendous inspiration of faith (thank you Kate and Silly), hope, support, and most of all love. I am still in awe at the magnitude of people from all over that went through those first few months with us. It must of been hard being a part of this tragedy and experiencing it through a blog on the internet. Again thank you all for your compassion to our family.
The first time that the newspaper ran a quote that I had written, I felt violated as my posts were for friends, family, and us to remember it all. I realized that our story was supposed to touch many lives, hopefully save many lives and that made it good. If all of this keeps one person from lighting a lighter where they shouldn't, one child to go on through pain, one parent to see how a split second can take your child away, then it has purpose.
This is a very lonely journey for my family. None of us really know how Myles feels in enduring his daily pain, his physical scars, and thoughts of the future. None of us really know how Aaron feels in enduring his daily pain, his emotional scars, and thoughts of the future. Neither one of my sons can understand my pain and fear as a mother of what has happened, and still is. We are all dealing with our own separate journey through this, the same destination, but separate journeys. Maybe when this is all over we will be able to try and explain in retrospect to each other what we just can't seem to do now. As I said, it is a lonely journey that we are experiencing side by side.
This blog site has become a "Wilson" for me, like in Castaway. A friend that I have been talking to, telling our story to, for almost six months now. It doesn't judge, ask for anything, it is something that is just here for me whenever I asked it to be. Like a good friend that you can call in the middle of the night because you can't sleep with too much on your mind.
Through this site this year will be remembered for all that it is, pain, sorrow, fear, hope, love, faith, friendship and family.
Love to you all and thank you for helping us through this path that is ours.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
The BLOG...Wilson
This blog has also been a useful tool in many ways, for when a doctor asked me When something happened (blood clots, blood poisoning, kidney failure) I would run to the blog and be able to tell them within a day or two, something that I would of not had a clue. It was also a tremendous inspiration of faith (thank you Kate and Silly), hope, support, and most of all love. I am still in awe at the magnitude of people from all over that went through those first few months with us. It must of been hard being a part of this tragedy and experiencing it through a blog on the internet. Again thank you all for your compassion to our family.
The first time that the newspaper ran a quote that I had written, I felt violated as my posts were for friends, family, and us to remember it all. I realized that our story was supposed to touch many lives, hopefully save many lives and that made it good. If all of this keeps one person from lighting a lighter where they shouldn't, one child to go on through pain, one parent to see how a split second can take your child away, then it has purpose.
This is a very lonely journey for my family. None of us really know how Myles feels in enduring his daily pain, his physical scars, and thoughts of the future. None of us really know how Aaron feels in enduring his daily pain, his emotional scars, and thoughts of the future. Neither one of my sons can understand my pain and fear as a mother of what has happened, and still is. We are all dealing with our own separate journey through this, the same destination, but separate journeys. Maybe when this is all over we will be able to try and explain in retrospect to each other what we just can't seem to do now. As I said, it is a lonely journey that we are experiencing side by side.
This blog site has become a "Wilson" for me, like in Castaway. A friend that I have been talking to, telling our story to, for almost six months now. It doesn't judge, ask for anything, it is something that is just here for me whenever I asked it to be. Like a good friend that you can call in the middle of the night because you can't sleep with too much on your mind.
Through this site this year will be remembered for all that it is, pain, sorrow, fear, hope, love, faith, friendship and family.
Love to you all and thank you for helping us through this path that is ours.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
My friend Mr. wilson
Hey stranger it's been a long time. I think of you often, you were my closest friend through the roughest times. We got rescued! But the journey did not end, remember the long nights, remember the pain, remember the fear, remember the anger. To bad that when we got rescued off our island of ICU, all was good, all was better, all was normal. My children don't understand why I have not healed, I think that I have quit bleeding, yeah, but I am still not as strong as I was. That's OK, you never know, I might be stronger than ever just not yet. Life has this thing that says "you broke your arm and you will be healed in XXX amount of time". Souls don't follow this criteria.
Aaron, what can I say, it's easier to talk to Wilson. Not because of you... You are unbelievable, to take the pain that you have suffered and be the man that you are is an incredible feat. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I could never in a million years even begin to comprehend this journey for you. The ones that you love the most, the strength that you had to not just run away but above all, Face it all. You are amazing and I love you sooooooo much. I know that my survival of this journey that was presented to us is not only on Myles' physical recovery but of your mothers recovery as well. Please be patient, as it is coming, maybe not as fast as all of us wished, but it is coming.
Bugs, (OK, I need to cry)
I have always been so involved in your life, mothers should be but I was much more than normal with your hemophilia. It was me that you "had" to run to when you were hurt. It was me that said, "don't do this and that". When you finally reached a place in your life that you were self infusing and becoming independent we were thrown into a world that I couldn't comprehend, little known you. I do not blame you for wanting to know that you can "survive" without me..........if I was you, I would want to know this too. And you are doing a GREAT job. We were thrown a really weird curve ball, weirder than hemophilia, but Bugs, we survived it, we are alive and anything that needs to happen is OK. You are alive, Aaron is alive, I am alive. This will all be OK in the future, please believe this.
Tuyet,
Where do I even begin.... I can't believe that you didn't run. You are the rock and heartbeat of this family (I used to be before I became weak). Thank you for your strength when I had none.. thank you for believing when I had no belief left, thank you for..............God truly blessed me by bringing you into my life (our life).
Aaron, what can I say, it's easier to talk to Wilson. Not because of you... You are unbelievable, to take the pain that you have suffered and be the man that you are is an incredible feat. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! I could never in a million years even begin to comprehend this journey for you. The ones that you love the most, the strength that you had to not just run away but above all, Face it all. You are amazing and I love you sooooooo much. I know that my survival of this journey that was presented to us is not only on Myles' physical recovery but of your mothers recovery as well. Please be patient, as it is coming, maybe not as fast as all of us wished, but it is coming.
Bugs, (OK, I need to cry)
I have always been so involved in your life, mothers should be but I was much more than normal with your hemophilia. It was me that you "had" to run to when you were hurt. It was me that said, "don't do this and that". When you finally reached a place in your life that you were self infusing and becoming independent we were thrown into a world that I couldn't comprehend, little known you. I do not blame you for wanting to know that you can "survive" without me..........if I was you, I would want to know this too. And you are doing a GREAT job. We were thrown a really weird curve ball, weirder than hemophilia, but Bugs, we survived it, we are alive and anything that needs to happen is OK. You are alive, Aaron is alive, I am alive. This will all be OK in the future, please believe this.
Tuyet,
Where do I even begin.... I can't believe that you didn't run. You are the rock and heartbeat of this family (I used to be before I became weak). Thank you for your strength when I had none.. thank you for believing when I had no belief left, thank you for..............God truly blessed me by bringing you into my life (our life).
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