I layed awake most of the night pondering the true meaning of this word, Acceptance. It seems to be in the forefront of peoples lives including ours. Accepting the price of gas, the destruction of our earth, the things that we see on the six o'clock news. Is
accepting life a good thing or a lazy way of not doing anything about it at all? As Myles' mother, accepting is something that I have been teaching him all of his life. Accepting the fact that he has hemophilia, accepting the fact that he has to get weekly shots, accepting the fact that he got burnt and had to go through unbelievable pain, and that he has many scars (which are very beautiful to me now), accepting that he has an absent father in his life. I try to show him that in accepting these realities it will free him up to see the wonderful things that he is. His unconditional love for all things, his humor, his generosity, how there is not a baby in the world who doesn't light up when they look into his eyes, that he can still golf. We came home from the hospital yesterday, IV's and all. He is not suppose to use his right arm for three weeks and get daily injections for a week, that is something we both can accept. Late last night I received a call from his doctor saying that he got the results of the MRI that Myles had yesterday before we left the hospital and that there is some permanent damage to his elbow joint and his arm may not ever straighten again. Acceptance, I don't think so. I have not told him of the results as I can not give my son strength unless I have it. Telling Myles that he might not be able to golf is not like all the other things that he has had to accept in his life, it will be taking a piece of his soul away. The whole time in Salt Lake City, the want to golf helped him endure. The painful physical therapy and wound care that followed was accomplished because of the want to golf again, golfing has always let him feel free of all of the other things that he has had to accept. We all have something that gives comfort to our souls, cooking, running, gardening, something that makes us feel good and takes us away from everything else on our minds. I am praying that this is not something that he has to accept, but if it is, I need to start working on my part (as his mother) now. When you don't have acceptance you will either feel despair and depression or anger, I am choosing anger right now, anger over all that my son has to accept. This will pass and I will again find strength to help Myles be the phoenix that he is and rise out of the ashes.